Self Care
Self care is hard. We all say that we want to practice self care, but it is extremely difficult to actually do it without feeling guilty. There’s always something to do, or someone who needs you, and saying “no” just isn’t always feasible. But self care really does need to be a priority. It isn’t something that will happen naturally when you happen to have the time. You must make time for it, and you have to treat it like any other job that you “have to” do.
I’m a busy person. I’m not the busiest person (I mean, I don’t have kids yet) but I have a busy job, a spouse, a dog (soon to be two), a house, hobbies (take this blog, for example) and friends and family. These things can all take up an inordinate amount of time. And - don’t kill the messenger - yes having kids makes you extra busy and probably makes it harder to dedicate time to self care. But people without kids are probably just as busy, having filled their free time with other endeavours (like volunteering, second jobs, caring for nieces and nephews, etc). So, don’t get caught in the trap of saying “I don’t have kids so I can’t really justify saying I’m too busy/stressed and need some me time” - we are all busy, we’re all stressed, and we all deserve “me time.” Period.
So, how do we incorporate self care into our daily lives? Here are a few of my tips, based on my personal experience:
Find what self care means to you
I think the first task is to determine what self care means to you. It’s different for everyone. For me it involves a lot of baths, cups of herbal tea, meditation/yoga, cooking and watching movies. Those are the things that help me re-charge. But for others it could be different. For Marc, self care usually involves working on a home-repair project, going to the gym or playing music. I know home-repair projects seem like tasks, but for some people it can be therapeutic. Just decide what helps you relax. Maybe you like reading? Listening to new music? Long walks in the park with your dog? Even a Netflix marathon is a legitimate way to practice self-care if that’s what you need to re-charge your batteries. Which brings me to my next point…
Don’t let yourself feel lazy or selfish
Don’t assume that by practicing self care, you’re being lazy or selfish. If you need to lay on the couch for half (or all of) a Saturday watching How I Met Your Mother or Friends re-runs on Netflix, even though you’ve seen them all, then do it! That’s your time for you, and no one should be telling you how to spend it. If doing that makes you feel better about going to your spouse’s work event the next day without feeling stressed or exhausted, then it has served its purpose. Now, I will certainly suggest that you find something a bit better for your health than tv if you can (tv can be over-stimulating and hard on the eyes) but ultimately, self care is about you doing you.
Deliberately carve out the time
Time for self care won’t appear out of thin air. You need to make time for it. If you’re waiting for that lazy Saturday to come along, thinking “when I have some down time, then I’ll get around to [insert desired activity here]” then you may end up waiting longer than you should, and you may end up putting your body through more stress than it should undergo all while waiting for that perfect time to unwind. Instead, schedule it in. Everyone has a calendar on their phones or a personal day-planning (and if you aren’t using a calendar, then you may not be that busy, but I advise using one). So pick an evening or a portion of your weekend and just write “self care.” Don’t list a specific task, because you should give yourself the ability to decide what you feel like doing in the moment. But take the time, tell whoever you need to tell (like you’re spouse or kids) and ensure that everyone knows you are NOT AVAILABLE during that time. If you’re a single parent and need a babysitter, get one. If you want to go to the spa and need someone to take your dog, then make those arrangements. We tend to go through that work when we have something “justifiable” to do (like a work event or a party) but we don’t think of our self-care time as important enough to get a babysitter, or to tell others to make other arrangements since you’ll be unavailable. But it is that important, and you should do what you can to carve out that time.
Don’t apologize
We love to apologize. If you’re Canadian, and if you’re a woman, you probably spend half of your day saying sorry. We’re especially bad for saying “sorry” when we’re doing something for ourselves (re: my comments on feeling lazy and selfish). So if your spouse or your kids look at you and say “what do you mean you’re taking an afternoon for yourself? I have [insert activity here] on that day and I need you to [insert obligation here].” I’m guessing that most people will respond to that by saying “I’m sorry.” Even if you stick to your guns and keep that self-care time, you may still feel the need to apologize for taking that personal time. But don’t! You’re not doing anything wrong. You can say “I realize this inconveniences you and if there’s anything else I can do to help out, let me know” or something else that is empathetic to the other person’s needs, but saying “I’m sorry” just perpetuates the notion that we don’t deserve to take time for ourselves, and perpetuating that idea will make it more and more difficult for all people to prioritize self-care.
Keep it up!
Don’t think of self-care as something you do only when you’re reaching your breaking point. It should be something you do regularly in order to avoid every coming close to your breaking point. I try and carve out a large chunk of time once per week, or more. I also try and use small periods throughout each day to incorporate little self-care rituals. I have a morning routine that starts my day of in a calm manner, and then I have a yoga practice I do each day in the office. I come home in the evenings and use my dinner-prep time to unwind (I love cooking, but others may consider this to be a stressful task - so again, you do you). I try to find a few minutes to meditate per day, and want to try and incorporate more reading time before bed. These are several ways to make self-care a part of your daily routine.
No matter what you choose to do, just make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Stress is a major cause of mental and physical ailments, and many of us don’t realize how much stress we’re under until we start to see the cracks. My long-term stress has caused my hormones to go completely out of balance, resulting in myriad other health problems (for more on hormone balance, check out the following link). An ounce of prevention beats a pound of cure, so make yourself your biggest priority! It’s not only the best way to take care of ourselves, but it is also the best way to take care of those around you. You’ll have more energy to care for your loved ones (and probably less resentment) if you’re giving yourself a break more often.
Namaste my friend.
